Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn’t matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

The measured unemployment rate of 5.9 percent isn't that high by historical standards, but there's something funny about that number. An unusually large number of people have given up looking for work, so they are no longer counted as unemployed, and many of those who say they have jobs seem to be only marginally employed. Such measures as the length of time it takes laid-off workers to get new jobs continue to indicate the worst job market in 20 years.

Some would say that God does not exist, Jesus was a dreamer and that Christmas and Christ's birth and living presence among us has no real hold on the world to change it for the better... but I say it's already happening. And it is a miracle!

And what was God thinking... when the Angel Gabriel was sent by God to reveal the Law to Moses?

And what was God thinking... when the Angel Gabriel was sent by God to reveal the sacred Quran to the prophet Muhammad?

And what was God thinking... when the Angel Gabriel was sent by God to reveal the birth of Jesus Christ, the Son of God?

Naked club parties for New year's Eve in Chicago that don't prohibit nudity

Best In-Your-Face-Trash-Talk comeback: Blake Elliott, St. John's (Minn.) wide receiver. After catching a pass and being told by a defensive back, "That's the last catch you're getting today, 2," Elliott shot back, "Considering it's 48-0 and I'm coming out of the game, you're probably right."

Best quote: Blake Elliott, St. John's receiver. After beating Bethel for Gagliardi's NCAA-record 409th victory, he was asked if the team had discussed the goal much this year. Said Elliott, "We didn't talk about 409 unless it was about cleaning supplies."

"Today, for just a single day out of the year, much of the world recognizes a day of peace. It is a day when we set aside our differences and come together to celebrate an ideal of a world free from hate, free from want and free from war.

"Over the 3,500 years of recorded human history, we have seen thirteen years of war for every year of peace. Today, as we gather with families and friends, we must remember the hundreds of thousands of U.S. soldiers separated from their families, serving overseas. We must remember the people of Africa who have seen too much war, destruction and want this year, and we must remember all of the other humanitarian crises that escape our notice on other days of the year.

"On this day more than most, we must resolve to continue our work and to redouble our efforts to ensure that someday soon world peace can be something we celebrate more than just once a year.

"The United States was founded on an ideal that we would serve as a peaceful and moral beacon for the rest of the world. Thomas Jefferson once wrote, 'Peace with all nations, and the right which that gives us with respect to all nations, are our object.' The biggest roadblock to achieving that is our own doubt that it can be accomplished. Franklin D. Roosevelt told us that 'The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.' May today bring peace on Earth and goodwill toward everyone."

A suicide bombing at a major intersection outside Tel Aviv during rush hour Thursday killed four people and wounded 13, according to Israeli authorities.

The Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine claimed responsibility for the terror attack that also killed the suicide bomber.

The bomber approached a bus stop and blew himself up, Israeli Police Commissioner Shlomo Aharonishki told The Associated Press.

Cunanan, a scholar-athlete at The Bishop's School in La Jolla in the mid-1980s, earned a reputation as a gay playboy before embarking on a murderous 1997 journey that had Hillcrest friends fearing for their lives and the FBI involved in a national manhunt.

Police linked him to five slayings in Minnesota, Illinois and Florida, and the FBI placed him on its 10 Most Wanted list. When a caretaker spotted him hiding on a Miami houseboat a week after Versace's killing, Cunanan committed suicide before police could apprehend him.

(Jessica) Hagedorn will create "Disposable" during 2004, according to an NEA announcement that described the piece as "loosely based on the life of Andrew Cunanan, the serial killer."

The work is in the early stages of development, said Playhouse spokeswoman Jessica Padilla, who noted that the collaborative effort "is a long-term project and will not be a traditional musical."

Howard Dean came under criticism from an Iowa newspaper last weekend for an answer to a questionnaire in which he implied that his brother was serving in the military when he disappeared in Laos 29 years ago. His brother had been traveling in Southeast Asia as a tourist.

Asked by The Quad-City Times, which is based in Davenport, Iowa, to complete the sentence "My closest living relative in the armed services is," Dr. Dean wrote in August, "My brother is a POW/MIA in Laos, but is almost certainly dead."

The brother, 23-year-old Charles Dean, whose apparent remains were recovered by a military search team last month in Laos, was classified as missing in action, along with other civilians captured or killed in the area during the Vietnam War. But Charles Dean never wore a uniform, and while some family members at times suspected that he was working as a spy, Dr. Dean said he never believed that.

"The way I read the question was that they wanted to know if I knew anything about the armed services from a personal level," he said. "I don't think it was inaccurate or misleading if anybody knew what the history was, and I assumed that most people knew what the history was. Anybody who wanted to write about this could have looked through the 23-year history to see that I've always acknowledged my brother's a civilian, was a civilian."

Mark Ridolfi, editor of the paper's editorial page, noted that the question had specifically asked about the armed services and said of Dr. Dean's reply, "It certainly is not an accurate response."

Hello all,

Good lord what a week. I'm going to remember the 14th of December for a very long time. This marshy valley region is the area of Iraq that rose up against Saddam after the first gulf war. The uprising was cruelly crushed and many innocent people were "punished". On Sunday those people stopped being afraid. We got that bastard. The man who claimed he was the living incarnation of Suleiman, [sic] one of this regions greatest warriors, the man who swore he would fight to the last bullet and breath, and commanded his troops to kill as many "American Dogs" as they could, came out of his rat hole without a fight. That event alone did more for the Iraqi morale. He had weapons in his hands for god sakes, if he had chosen to fire just one shot we would have been taking him while he resisted, his capture would have looked like a final struggle at best, martyrdom at worst. But he came out like a whipped dog, looking emaciated and filthy. "Number One" on our list looked like a big hairy pile of #2. After all that, we gave him a medical checkup and fed him. What a country.

We have heard many times that one of the big problems is that every Iraqi, at some level, was concerned that sooner or later this boogieman would pop up and do what he did best for many years. Hurt somebody. Many times he didn't even have a reason to hurt people. He just did it to keep them scared, if he ever came back, even a little, he would be plenty pissed. And when Saddam was pissed, lots of good people died. That never left the minds of every person we talked too every day. One of our favorite games with our interpreters was to ask them where he was. In all seriousness they told us he was not dead, and that he was probably either in Baghdad running the resistance or in Tikrit. I know of one who was seriously concerned that he was in the USA, planning to strike back. Before you laugh, consider the cult of personality he had produced over 30 years of rule through terror and force. They only knew him as the most powerful and all-knowing influence in their lives. This interpreter was convinced and concerned that he was planning a terror attack in the US to punish us for what we had done. In his mind Saddam was that all-powerful and vengeful. The general consensus, us included, was that he was never going to be found. (We won't ever get UBL, but that's not nearly as important, or would be nearly as effective as Saddam's capture.) I'm very happy that we got him and thrilled that we got him alive. The decision to let the people of Iraq judge and punish him is not only the only solution that will guarantee the people of Iraq satisfaction, (and trust me they truly deserve it.) But it guarantees his suffering at the hands of people that were raped, tortured, murdered, and stacked like cordwood in huge warehouses because in the eyes of the government they didn't deserve a simple burial. This man was evil for longer than half of its inhabitants have been alive. His image and influence was omnipresent and ruled over every aspect of their relations with everyone they ever came in contact with, lest that person be an informer, or a member one of the many branches of the secret police. The Iraqis I know want to skin him slowly and roll him in salt, and then they want to really hurt him. They feel the real need to give the bastard just a little of his own medicine.

Please let me make this abundantly, perfectly, crystal clear, under no circumstances, should you confuse the issue of why we are here in Iraq, with the fact that this man will never again be able to kill children because their parents spoke out against him. There are those that think we shouldn't be here at all. Believe it or not, that opinion doesn't offend me. I disagree, but it's a free country. I may not agree with a thing you say, but ill defend to the death your right to say it. I actually believe that, and that's why I'm glad I'm here for Christmas. You have your viewpoints, and I have mine. I'm just incredibly fortunate to be here in Iraq doing something to change the way the world feels about us.

I've said it before. If we pull this off we will be the kind of nation we want to be, the type of nation we represent ourselves to the world as. We don't have to call ourselves the Democratic Peoples Republic of the United States of America. Nobody buys that crap. Calling yourself a 'Democratic Peoples Republic' and running a political reeducation camp at the same time is going to get you an old fashioned ass kicking. We are just Americans, dammit, the good old USA, and the reason we are the leaders of the free world is that we love freedom. Freedom of speech and the press, freedom of religion, freedom to own an arsenal and act like an idiot if you choose to. Freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do as long as you don't hurt anybody doing it and Uncle Sam gets his cut. Our defiance against our lack of freedom made us who we are as a nation. Our willingness to fight for our freedoms and the ones of others defines us as citizens in this world. In my eyes it's as simple as that. Our system works best because we are free to do what we want to do. It pisses us off as a nation to see governments that abuse its citizens. It has been the overriding desire of this nation in this century to free the oppressed, right the wrongs, and fix the terrible problems caused by other terrible people. That U stands for United, by the way, and we don't like people trying to hurt some of us to make the rest of us weak. Yeah, you hurt us by crashing a few planes and killing some people, but now you pissed us off. Ask the Japanese how well that worked out. "I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant" said the general as he watched the attack planes depart in the darkness for Pearl Harbor. That conflict killed over 40 million people and left 150 million homeless. All in the name of fighting tyranny and oppression. What makes them think we will shirk from this fight? People at home screaming "no blood for oil" that's what. The gas in the tank of our deuce gets trucked in from Kuwait. The oil from here gets sold for the people of Iraq. Thought you would like to know.

Should we be the world's policemen? I can't answer that. But imagine terrified people sharing the freedoms that you better not take for granted. We truly can't afford to not pay the price for that effort. If there's one thing that our system makes enough of, its money. Soon Iraq will be a free country under its own self-rule. There's a gift for the world, a gift that self-proclaims the purity of its intentions. And a gift worth every penny we spent on it. I'm not espousing fighting wars and invading every dictatorship on the planet. That is truly not necessary. I can't even say if invading here so quickly was a good idea. God knows we gave that bastard 11 years to clean up his act and behave according to the agreement that he signed. WMD wasn't even a factor. The way he mooned the world and wiped his butt on his promises, as nervous governments went nuts trying to get him to behave, the guy was asking for somebody to open a good can of whoop ass on him. We probably should have spent a little more time to get some friends together before administering it. But, being the biggest kid on the block, we didn't have to. So we went in solo and pissed off the rest of the world. If they didn't help us do the hard work, they don't have much right to bitch about what we do and don't find in the country. Like I said, WMD isn't important. If we found it now, the whole world would say we planted it. Come to think of it, so would I. It would be too easy and there's not a single procedure that you can enact during its discovery that we wouldn't be accused of rigging. In the end, it took digging in backyards for over 10 months to find Saddam. Patience is a virtue that is almost always rewarded. But if we weren't here he would still be killing truly innocent people by the hundreds. That is a horrible truth that unfortunately is also happening in places we can't affect right now. But we can affect Iraq, thanks to those that came before me, and those that terribly, never came home. In the end it's as simple as that. American lives are incredibly precious. Not a single one should ever be lost in vain. As of now, sadly, almost 375 men and women have died bravely serving their respective countries in Iraq. No country participating has not felt the pain of loss in this conflict. Each one of those lives cost us more than I can ever write about with my meager words. But if you asked them if they were willing to die for the freedom of others they would probably have told you that the price of liberty is steep, but it must be paid. I know I would. Without hesitation. Those men and women came here as volunteers, just as I did. All I can say is this; Freedom is not free. That is why this enterprise absolutely must be finished for the honor of those we lost. Regardless of what you think about the way we got to this point in the first place. You simply must finish what you started.

But guns and precious lives aren't always the answer to fix terrible problems. We spent over 30 years fighting a war with Russia that only we could win, a war of simple economic power. They busted the bank trying to keep up with us and it broke them. More positive democratic changes have been made in China in the last 10 years for monetary reasons than in 40 years of cold war. North Korea makes outrageous threats in order to coerce us to make deals that prop [up] its failed system. Every time they make bellicose and belligerent statements about our "evil ways", we prove again that we are winning the battle against that terrible government. In the end, what's going to free those people is the almighty green. Not an invasion, or an air strike on a troublesome nuke plant. Just the patient confidence that our system works for good, not against it.

I had to be here for a while to realize that we needed to do this in Iraq. Or at the very least, that what we did here was the right thing to do. When I left for Iraq I was ready to see a quagmire. A black hole of lost money, misguided efforts, a hostile populace, and broken morale. In short, I expected Vietnam. I haven't been able to find it, and I was looking. Every day I have been here, this country has gotten better for its people. And it's gotten safer too, for us, and them. We are welcome here as the people who are making a real difference. They know we aren't staying. In a month alone the difference has been staggering. And this was all before we found the guy painted on every public wall hiding like a bitch in a tiny hole, too scared for only his own skin to even fight back even with the gun in his hands. The Iraqis saw then that the "supreme leader" was, in their own words, "a shivering coward". They laughed at him publicly in their new free press. That's what I'm talking about. On that wonderful day, and I can't say it enough, everything changed.

There are many here who couldn't even mention his name. When we say it, all the locals cringe instinctively, like they had been struck, they then look furtively about them to see who else around them heard us blaspheme against the devil. It's not an amusing thing to terrify a grown man with a single word. It makes one feel horrible. For us that word is one of scorn and disgust, for them it could get you and your family killed by nightfall, and I'm not kidding. You just vanished. 30 years of that terror will change the psyche of a nation. It's going to take some pain to fix it. That process started with a hairy man in a rat hole being led away in handcuffs.

So for me, the realization that this was, and is, the right thing to do hit me like a lightning bolt; the second I saw our interpreter begin to cry tears of joy at the news that "we got him". He said one thing, hesitantly and very quietly, with a mixture of barely hidden fear and childish hope in his voice. "Are you sure?" I took him by the shoulders, and with a huge smile on my face and the excitement of a child, said; "Yes, Osama, its him! We got him!" He hugged me briefly and stepped back, didn't say a word, and a single tear rolled down his face. Then he took a deep shuddering breath, like a terrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and grinned broadly, the smile of a man looking at his bride coming down the isle, a smile of pure joy. At that second, Osama knew that he couldn't be punished for working with us. At that second, I knew that we could leave this country to freedom loving Iraqis, and not worry about our new friends being ok. We both knew it was almost over.

You have not lived until you tell a man he is free and feel his joy.

The night of his capture was filled with celebrations. The oncoming nightshift interpreter told us that the city was one gigantic party. Absolute euphoric insanity. There were people dancing in the streets and lighting firecrackers. Nobody in Iraq slept that night, the celebrating innocent, and the fearful evil. We are 10 kilometers from Nasiriyah, and from where we stood outside our VCC we could see tracers firing straight up into the night skies. Thousands of rounds, and for once, they weren't fired in anger. At least not anger directed at us. I haven't got a single shred of pity for the guy. He's truly earned what's coming to him. It's all up to them. For once in their lives they are truly free to decide the fate that they feel is just.

That was a big day for this country, one of the biggest ever. And I was here to experience it all. What a blessing.

Wow, that was a fun letter to write. See you next week folks. I can't wait to see what that week brings my way. Feel free to forward this to anyone you feel would enjoy it.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Love, Parker

Europeans: But don't simply scoff; for us the idea that you would spend $87 billion on fighting in Iraq while your own people don't have health care is preposterous.

Dumb American: But was the death rate this August higher in the Sunni Triangle or Paris? We believe that a nanny state is not only inefficient, but, when the temperature rises, downright lethal.

This war would be over far sooner if 350 million Europeans insisted on a modicum of behavior from Middle Eastern rogue regimes, rounded up and tried terrorists in their midst, deported islamofascists, cut off funding to killers on the West Bank, ignored Yasser Arafat — and warned the next SOB who blew up Europeans in Turkey, North Africa, or Iraq that there was a deadly reckoning to come from the continent that invented the Western military tradition. Indeed, European sophistication and experience, combined with real power, could be a great aid to the West in its effort to promote liberal and consensual governments outside its shores. But if they do not even believe in the unique legacy of their civilization, then why should we — much less their enemies?

“This is our daftest order ever.”

So take your money and stick it up your narthex:

CAPTURE OF SADDAM HUSSEIN
Saddam reportedly said
"My name is Saddam Hussein"

Only true statement Saddam has told interrogators
"My name is Saddam Hussein."
And we're not really sure of that either.

An article on Friday about the views of L. Paul Bremer III, the American administrator in Iraq, about the country's future misstated the weight of the bombs that United States forces have dropped recently on sites believed to harbor urban guerrillas. They are 500 pounds each, not 500 tons.

There was a revealing moment on MSNBC the other night. Chris Matthews asked Dr. Dean whether Osama bin Laden should be tried in an American court or at The Hague. "I don't think it makes a lot of difference," said the governor airily. Mr. Matthews pressed once more. "It doesn't make a lot of difference to me," he said again. Some of us think what's left of Osama is already hard enough to scrape off the cave floor and put in a matchbox, never mind fly to the Netherlands. But, just for the sake of argument, his bloodiest crime was committed on American soil; American courts, unlike the international ones, would have the option of the death penalty. But Gov. Dean couldn't have been less interested. So how about Saddam? The Hague "suits me fine," he said, the very model of ennui. Saddam? Osama? Whatever, dude.

In the same northern Iraqi town yesterday, about 700 people rallied, chanting: "Saddam is in our hearts, Saddam is in our blood."

US soldiers and Iraqi policemen shouted back: "Saddam is in our jail."

A review of "Lord of the Rings" on Page 6 of The Arts today misstates the opening day in some copies. The film opens around the country tomorrow, not today.

In an interview Monday with a Seattle radio station, McDermott said the U.S. military could have found the former Iraqi dictator "a long time ago if they wanted."

Asked if he thought the weekend capture was timed to help Bush, McDermott chuckled and said, "Yeah. Oh, yeah."

McDermott went on to say, "There's too much by happenstance for it to be just a coincidental thing."

When interviewer Dave Ross asked again if he meant to imply the Bush administration timed the capture for political reasons, McDermott said: "I don't know that it was definitely planned on this weekend, but I know they've been in contact with people all along who knew basically where he was. It was just a matter of time till they'd find him.

"It's funny," McDermott added, "when they're having all this trouble, suddenly they have to roll out something."

Forgive me, Mr. President, but they hate us with every fiber of their existence. We love freedom. We love independence. To feel, to question, to resist oppression. To them, it's an alien way of existing they will never accept.

Subject: Fake ID for Muslims

Need a fake license to get into the nude bar and see some [bleep]?

Visit [redacted]

Travel and fly on planes under any name!
Get job at preschool if convicted molester!

[Website redacted] Do it now!

CALL 24 HOURS 206-[redacted]

Here my voice I am from Iraq. My Muslim brothers I am here to service you. Praise Ala! [sic]

This is not spam. You signed up as Arab decent person looking for new identity information for new mission.

These are just some unorganized idle thoughts before I've had a cup of coffee. Capturing Saddam is a good thing - he was a bad guy. I'm really glad he was captured and not killed.

But, it really doesn't change much. Capturing Saddam isn't going to end the resistance to the US occupation in Iraq. It may improve things slightly, or it could even make it worse, but the net effect will probably be negligible. Saddam was a bad guy, but it isn't clear he's any worse of a guy than some of the folks who are a part of our "Coalition of the Willing," so this pretense of moral clarity, etc... is ridiculous.

Saddam was a bad guy, but it isn't clear he's any worse of a guy than some of the folks who are a part of our "Coalition of the Willing," so this pretense of moral clarity, etc... is ridiculous.

But now that he's captured alive, when will we get to hear about all those meeings with Rummy, etc?

I'm a little curious, I have to say, if they're going to be able to thoroughly muzzle Saddam. We've got a great opportunity now to figure out the depth of complicity between Reagan/Bush I and Saddam....

Good news (especially that he was captured alive--consider me flabbergasted), but it doesn't turn Bush into a hero, a good guy, or a good president.

* We're still stuck in a quagmire in Iraq.
* We haven't caught Osama.
* We haven't stopped Al Qaeda or the Taliban.
* We're still vulnerable to terrorist attacks.
* The Patriot Act is still on the books.
* The economy is still in the dumper.
* The administration is still hostile to all minorities.
* The administration has still treated our allies like dirt.
* The administration is still hostile to the environment.
* The 9/11 Commission is still getting no cooperation from the administration.
* North Korea is still a bigger threat than Iraq was.
* The administration is still encouraging thuggery against its political opponents.
* Our military readiness is at its lowest in decades.
* The administration has still slashed veterans benefits.

And the list goes on and on and on...

International law? I better call my lawyer.

An article in the special Flight section on Tuesday about the aviation designer Burt Rutan misidentified the university from which he graduated. It is California Polytechnic State University, not the California Polytechnic Institute.

This is a sad day for the freedom of speech. Who could have imagined that the same Court which, within the past four years, has sternly disapproved of restrictions upon such inconsequential forms of expression as virtual child pornography ... tobacco advertising ... dissemination of illegally intercepted communications ... and sexually explicit cable programming ... would smile with favor upon a law that cuts to the heart of what the First Amendment is mant to protect: the right to criticize the government. For that is what the most offensive provisions of this legislation are all about. We are governed by Congress, and this legislation prohibits the criticism of Members of Congress by those entities most capable of giving such criticism loud voice: national political parties and corporations, both of the commercial and the not-for-profit sort. It forbids pre-election criticism of incumbents by corporations, even not-for-profit corporations, by use of their general funds; and forbids national party use of "soft" money to fund "issue ads" that incumbents find so offensive.

...

In any economy operated on even the most rudimentary principles of division of labor, effective public communication requires the speaker to make use of the services of others. An author may write a novel, but he will seldom publish and distribute it himself. A freelance reporter may write a story, but he will rarely edit, print, and deliver it to subscribers. To a government bent on suppressing speech, this mode of organization presents opportunities: Control any cog in the machine, and you can halt the whole apparatus.

...

What good is the right to print books without a right to buy works from authors? Or the right to publish newspapers without the right to pay deliverymen? The right to speak would be largely ineffective if it did not include the right to engage in financial transactions that are the incidents of its exercise.

...

It should be obvious, then, that a law limiting the amount a person can spend to broadcast his political views is a direct restriction on speech. That is no different from a law limiting the amount a newspaper can pay its editorial staff or the amount a charity can pay its leafletters. It is equally clear that a limit on the amount a candidate can raise from any one individual for the purpose of speaking is also a direct limitation on speech. That is no different from a law limiting the amount a publisher can accept from any one shareholder or lender, or the amount a newspaper can charge any one advertiser or customer.

...

The freedom to associate with others for the dissemination of ideas -- not just by singing or speaking in unison, but by pooling financial resources for expressive purposes -- is part of the freedom of speech.

...

While the Government's briefs and arguments before this Court focused on the horrible "appearance of corruption," the most passionate floor statements during the debates on this legislation pertained to so-called attack ads, which the Constitution surely protects, but which Members of Congress analogized to "crack cocaine," 144 Cong. Rec. S868 (Feb. 24, 1998) (remarks of Sen. Daschle), "drive-by shooting[s]," id., at S879 (remarks of Sen. Durbin), and "air pollution" 143 Cong. Rec. 20505 (1997) (remarks of Sen. Dorgan). There is good reason to believe that the ending of negative campaign ads was the principal attraction of the legislation.

...

Perhaps voters do detest these 30-second spots -- though I suspect they detest even more hour-long campaign-debate interruptions of their favorite entertainment programming. Evidently, however, these ads do persuade voters, or else they would not be so routinely used by sophisticated politicians of all parties. The point, in any event, is that it is not the proper role of those who govern us to judge which campaign speech has "substance" and "depth" (do you think it might be that which is least damaging to incumbents?) and to abridge the rest.

...

All campaign spending in the United States, including state elections, ballot initiatives, and judicial elections, has been estimated at $3.9 billion for 2000... which was a year that "shattered spending and contribution records," ... Even taking this last, larger figure as the benchmark, it means that Americans spent about half as much electing all their Nation's officials, state and federal, as they spent on movie tickets ($7.8 billion); about a fifth as much as they spent on cosmetics and perfume ($18.8 billion); and about a sixth as much as they spent on pork (the nongovernmental sort) ($22.8 billion). ...If our democracy is drowning from this much spending, it cannot swim.

...

The first instinct of power is the retention of power, and, under a Constitution that requires periodic elections, that is best achieved by the suppression of election-time speech.

Olathe, Kan.: From my understanding of this legislation, as an individual, I could purchase an ad to attack a canidate within the 60 day time frame. But if I pool my funds with my wife, I could not. Am I correct?

Kenneth W. Starr: Yes. Section 203 of BCRA, as upheld by the Court today, applies only to corporations and unions, not to individuals. While Microsoft cannot take out a qualifying "electioneering communication," Bill Gates still can.

Mr. Puckett said he was informed yesterday by the division's judge advocate that the hearing officer, Lt. Col. Jimmy Davis, recommended what is called Article 15 punishment, not a trial.

Under this procedure, Col. West would appear before Gen. Odierno. The general would be limited in his punishment options to a written reprimand, forfeiture of pay and confinement to quarters.

And I vow that as long as there are imaginary treaties, signed by pretend delegates to create hypothetical peace, this fake news show will be there to cover it.

Liberals like Reich are engaged in monumental historical revisionism. The ex-Clintonista seems to be saying that regulations on abortion, a non-denominational prayer (or a moment of silent meditation) and limiting marriage to a man and a woman constitute state-sponsored religion. If so, America was a theocracy as recently as 1962.

Asked what he would do if he had the all-powerful but corrupting ring that is the focus of the trilogy, Serkis said "I would banish all religions first of all."

"Every time they bring back a classic, they always fail because they've thrown the baby out with the bath water," says the 58-year-old Hatch. "They throw away the very elements the fans loved most."

(1)Spite the Clintons. (2) Lay the early claim to the remnants of the Dean Machine.

I'd rather spend my weekends exterminating rats in the tunnels below Penn Station than read a book by either Bill O'Reilly or Michael Moore.

When you turn to the paper's designated opinion pages tomorrow, draw a line from The Times's editorials on the left side to William Safire's column over on the right: you could place me just about at the halfway point.

(Host CHRIS) WALLACE: Governor, I don't think anybody would deny that those are very important issues, but why take the others -- abortion, guns, God, gays -- off the table? I mean, it sounds like you're uncomfortable talking about values.

DEAN: I'm very comfortable talking about values, but we're never going to agree on some of these issues. I actually have a more conservative positions on guns than many Democrats, although I do support the assault-weapons ban and background checks and all that. But...

WALLACE: But aren't those legitimate issues, whether it's a woman's right to choose versus right to life, whether there should a national ban on assault weapons, gay rights?

I mean, aren't those issues -- I have to say, I remember back in 1988, because I was covering the campaign, when Michael Dukakis said that the campaign is about competence, not ideology, and the Republicans killed him on that.

Don't American voters care about values?

DEAN: They care about values. And there are a lot of different kinds of values. My attitude is, each state's going to make their own kinds of decisions about these difficult issues that we're -- you know, the social issues that divide us.

And the ultimate disaster scenario for the BCS still looms. If Oklahoma falls to No. 3 in both polls, and USC moves to No. 1, the Trojans will still fall to No. 3 in the BCS Standings. The founders of the BCS certainly realized this was mathematically possible, but it's doubtful they thought it could ever take place. Ready or not, here it comes!

A statement put out last week by Mr. Hatch's office says that the accused staffer "improperly accessed at least some of the documents referenced in the media reports." That accusation bears scrutiny in light of how the committee's computer system is organized: Until Nov. 16, all Judiciary staffers used the same computer server and had access to a shared drive, a system put in place when Sen. Leahy took over as chairman in 2001 and hired his own IT staff.

The Leahy techies neglected to put up a firewall between the GOP and Democratic staff, making it possible for all staffers to read everything posted on the shared drive. No one hacked into anyone's private files. These are, in effect, Leahy leaks.

So why is the hapless staffer being hounded? And why is no one reporting the much bigger story of the memos?

The documents detailed how Democratic senators had strategized and consulted outside interest groups dedicated to opposing some of President Bush's more extreme judicial nominees.

The whole episode sent the Vandy vice chancellor on a letter-writing mission to the Times. His missive went this way:

"Alex Abramovich attended a very different Tony Kushner lecture at a very different Vanderbilt University than did I and several hundred other people--young, old, black, white, students, faculty, community members--who crowded into the chapel of one of the great nondenominational divinity schools in the country to participate in an provocative discussion with a distinguished guest speaker. Mr. Abramovich painted a picture of Vanderbilt University as an alien and vaguely sinister place, where 'Confederate flags hang proudly in dormitory windows' (they don't) and the natives aren't smart enough to recognize when they are being challenged. Aside from being untrue, such stereotypes are offensive and condescending. But that was the point, right?"

According to Schoenfeld, a Times editor has told him that the writer of the story still says he saw Confederate flags. As to whether his letter will ever run, Schoenfeld says the editor told him that it probably would--if there's room.

“If the Jews want to get it on, tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house."

Those were the immortal words of the Rev. Al Sharpton during the Crown Heights crisis in New York City in 1991. A car driven by a Hasidic Jew had run over a black child in the Brooklyn neighborhood, prompting black-Jewish tensions that eventually spilled over into antisemitic riots. Sharpton's contribution to civic peace was statements like the above, together with such classic anti-Jewish smears as: "Talk about how Oppenheimer in South Africa sends diamonds straight to Tel Aviv and deals with the diamond merchants right here in Crown Heights."

New York's financing system has already produced a windfall for Abraham Wasserman's family and friends. Mr. Wasserman ran for a Brooklyn City Council seat last month on the Conservative Party line and finished last with 368 votes. The New York Post reports that he raised some $16,000 from friends and relatives whom he listed as "campaign consultants." According to the Post, "Wasserman pocketed a handsome $62,000 gift, courtesy of the city taxpayer"--some of which he used to pay the "consultants" who had donated money in the first place.

Justice John Paul Stevens questioned how state officials, in denying Davey the scholarship, had hampered his ability to practice his religion.

"Can't he practice his religion just as he always would and become a minister?" Stevens asked. "He just has to pay for it."

Responded Olson: "He can practice but he practices it at a price."

"He practices it without a subsidy," Stevens shot back.

Said Olson: "He practices it without the same subsidy that is made available to every other citizen except someone who wants to study to be a minister."