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Matthew Hoy currently works as a metro page designer at the San Diego Union-Tribune.

The opinions presented here do not represent those of the Union-Tribune and are solely those of the author.

If you have any opinions or comments, please e-mail the author at: hoystory -at- cox -dot- net.

Dec. 7, 2001
Christian Coalition Challenged
Hoystory interviews al Qaeda
Fisking Fritz
Politicizing Prescription Drugs

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Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Nine Dwarfs debate: Well, I'm watching my recording of tonight's Democrat presidential debate. I'm 14 minutes in and we've gotten to Rep. Dennis Kucinich. He's just said about the 8th stupid thing I've heard in the debate, so I'm rewinding and starting over, so I can do blow-by-blow blogging of the "debate"

Sen Joe Lieberman isn't popular with the crowd -- at first nearly no applause, then it picked up -- kinda embarrassing.

Starting with foreign policy...

Rev. Al Sharpton says attacks have taken place since Sept. 11 -- not in the U.S. Al, you been awake lately?

Sen. John Edwards -- uninformed -- claims that we're paying for "everything" in Iraq -- not true. "We'll be safer in a world where we're looked up to and respected" -- We'll not win "respect" by kowtowing to the French and Germans.

Moseley Braun -- why is she even on the stage? President "not elected by the American people" -- yeah, that's a winner -- beat that dead horse some more. Iraq is a quagmire -- yeah...right.

Joe Lieberman, the only one who has a chance in a general election..."price tag, not a plan"? Allies are already helping...why does everyone always claim we're going it alone? Surprise! Lieberman is the first one to play the race card! "Disproportionate number of troops are African-American." Well, Joe, that's not quite true, we've been through this before. A disproportionate number of support troops are African-American -- a disproportionate number of the combat troops are white.

Howie Dean: Bush "ignored" Iran, North Korea and al Qaeda "at home." Iraq apparently isn't in the Middle East. Wants to create a Democracy in Palestine -- reality hasn't bit Dean in the butt yet.

French-looking guy (Kerry) -- "rushed to war?" The slowest rush ever.

Kucinich: Blah, blah, blah -- U.N. in, U.S. out...OK, now he's getting nutty. Wants the U.N. to distribute proceeds from the sale of oil to the Iraqi people "with no privatization." Yeah, that worked well when the U.N. was running that oil for food program. The Iraqi people were starving, but Saddam got his palaces built. "Have the U.N. handle all the contracts -- no more sweetheart Halliburton deals..." Yeah, that works too. The U.N. will instead award contracts to French companies...Does Kucinich know how the real world works? Repeal the Patriot Act? Whatever, idiot.

Sen. Bob Graham -- wants U.N. to run Iraq -- not U.S. and not the Iraqi people -- didn't really answer the question of whether we should spend money or Iraq's oil revenues should be spent for rebuilding

Same question to "Miserable Failure Gephardt" -- not answering the question. Ding-ding -- still not answering the question.

Hitting Gephardt again -- next round -- says he wants to put politics aside -- ha! Does anybody around here follow the time rules? U.N. is once again the Democratic holy grail.

Kucinich -- wacko conspiracy theorist. 9/12 Rumsfeld allegedly said to go to war against Iraq -- not likely. Bush is a liar.

Graham -- big cheer! "Yes" president deliberately "misled" the American people. Now we got a wacko yelling about Dick Cheney -- only at a Democratic debate. Sharpton makes a quip. War on terror "abandoned." Read a newspaper lately Bob? Bob doesn't want war on Iraq, instead suggests war on Yemen and Syria.

Braun -- war on Iraq is "showing off" -- we show strength abroad by funding "first responders?" Yeah, I'm sure that scares bin Laden in his cage.

Question for Sharpton: We supported coup in Chile? We didn't immediately deplore it, so that is supporting? Whatever. George Bush is a "gang leader." Well, Sharpton should know about that.

Edwards -- Patriot Act scaremonger. John Ashcroft is the devil in disguise.

Dean on Israel/Palestine -- backs off his comments from Monday that we shouldn't "take sides." Solution to Israel/Palestinian conflict: "focus on it." *smack* Why didn't I think of that?

More wackiness from the peanut gallery. Lieberman: Bush has "broken our alliances." So, if we don't cave to France and Germany's perfidy we've broken the alliance? Blame America first.

Juan Williams to Kerry on the "threaten" the use of force -- not actually use it. Kerry thinks that Bush is a puppet for Cheney? The Neoconservatives?

*commercial break*

Gephardt: Tax cuts aren't working. Has a plan -- get rid of the tax cuts and institute socialized medicine. People won't have jobs, won't be able to pay rent -- maybe they can sleep in the hospitals?

Kucinich: Socialized medicine. Americans being "deprived quality healthcare" -- yeah, that's why everyone comes here...

Graham -- won't support gay marriage -- will go for domestic partnerships.

NEWS FLASH: Sharpton took a girl to a dance in high school -- and she left him for someone else -- maybe this explains Sharpton's personality.

Braun on gun-control -- who cares? Wants protection from gun violence for children -- mandatory bulletproof vests for all kids? When is someone going to ask Braun about her ethical/corruption problems?

Jon Edwards -- opposed to vouchers -- wants federalization of public schools, apparently, wants the President to do something about the disparity in schools in poor vs. rich neighborhoods. Problem: Schools typically funded by property taxes -- does the federal government take that over? Wants to pay teachers more -- I'm not opposed to that. While we're at it, let's pay journalists more.

Dean: Can he connect with black voters? Do black voters hate Bush? Yep, Dean can connect with black voters.

Kerry: Bush doesn't do enough for education -- despite passing Teddy Kennedy's education bill?

What's with all the loud-mouthed protesters? Morgan State University -- poor security. Poor showing.

Braun wants to know if the protesters "do this to Republicans." Sharpton threatens to have his National Action Network "thugs" take care of security in the audience. That's encouraging.

Lieberman: All programs can be funded -- without deficits -- if only we elect a Democrat. Lieberman pulls out the whole "stole the vote in Florida" line again. Why? Apparently because Bush hates black people. That's beneath you Joe.

Edwards: Bush is "dismantling the public health system." Yeah, whatever. We need a president who will stand up to "big everything."

Sharpton on hateful, demagogic talk: Democrats aren't guilty of it with regard to President Bush. Sharpton knows hate language -- only white Republicans can be guilty of it.

Back to Braun: On the Patriot Act -- doesn't answer the question -- on why public overwhelmingly supports the Patriot Act and all the Dems hate it.

Kerry: $87 billion a "rubber check?" Is that like Howard "the Rubber underneath the Road" Dean? No money for reconstruction in Iraq, unless tax cuts at home are rescinded.

Dean: Blah, blah, blah...must have affirmative action...President Bush played the race card in the University of Michigan case! Right!

Lieberman: Bush has "compromised the American Dream." African-Americans weren't allowed to vote in Florida? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Gephardt: Blah, blah, blah. Will consider "everyone" as a running mate... Blah, blah, blah -- you've got to win first.

Kucinich: "My presidency..." dream on space cadet. Back to universal health care -- guys, that didn't work for Hillary, what makes you think it will work now?

Graham: In favor of the Schwarzenegger Amendment to the Constitution -- just not for Schwarzenegger.

Quickfire questions!

Sharpton: Dems have to earn the black vote. "You must turn people on..." Please, no -- don't phrase it that way.

Question for the "Gen X" crowd: What's your favorite song?

Gen Xers don't really care -- don't pretend that that's a question "for the Gen X crowd." Those sorts of stupd questions make us continue to seem unserious.

Blah, blah, blah...I'm tired. These guys are killing me.

Kucinich: Iraq War was unjust.

Kerry: Not paying attention. Please repeat the question.

Blah, blah, blah.

Closing statements!

Braun: A "doer." Delivering for people who give her money...nope that's not what she said -- but it's the truth. Ding. Ding. Shuddup!

Sharpton: Activist and "person of action" -- whatever. Don't have a prayer of winning.

Edwards: You knew when Bush took office that he was going to have big giveaways to his friends at Halliburton? The unfounded allegations just keep on coming.

Kerry: Cheap John Ashcroft shot. Democrats really do think he is some kind of demon. If it wasn't so childish, it'd be alarming. Suggests Bush is a racist -- "wrapping himself in the Confederate flag."

Brit Hume looks dumbfounded.

Dean: People don't like us. Waaah! So that means we sacrifice our security for popularity?

Lieberman: Bush presidency is a nightmare. Ding. Ding. Shaddup!

Kucinich: Blah, blah, blah. Unite...blah...blah...life experience....blah...blah...blah...don't have a chance.

Gepardt: Miserable failure. Bills mounting...what's the point? Help. Yeah, help me.

Graham: Tonight in America...quagmire...more Larouchies...somebody shoot them. New and tested leadership. Moonbat. Economic plan...ding..ding...shaddup. Brit, enforce the rules. Just keep on going.

It's over. Finally.

3:23 AM

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